You Know You're Portuguese When...
Your mother or grandmother has Maria in her name.
You have a rooster napkin holder.
Your father or grandfather is called Manuel, Jose, Antonio, or Joao.
You have crocheted doilies on your kitchen counters, dining room, living room, bedroom--on all your tables.You decorate your walls with plates.Your house is a mini church with just as may statues of saints and Jesus as your church itself.
You're 25 and still living with your parents. (Extra points if you're married and living with your spouse in your parent's house).
You warn other drivers of police on the highway by flashing your lights, even though one of the drivers might have just robbed a bank.
You baptize your child and send him to catechism even though you might never go to church except for weddings and funerals.
You think all university graduates should be called "Doutor" and like to be called so if you are one of the chosen few who have managed to finish college.
You park on the sidewalk when necessary, even asking the person standing there to please move away.
You have a mobile phone and spend a small fortune on it, but think twice about going to the dentist.
You have a mother or grandmother who wears black.
You spend your holidays in Spain instead of in Portugal because it is cheaper.
If you are a woman, you have been to see a "curandeiro" (healer) or have had your fortune told.
You insist you wouldn't be caught dead buying Spanish olive oil even though most of the olive oil consumed in Portugal comes from Spain.
You laugh at jokes about the Alentejanos but get angry to know that the same jokes are told in Brazil about the Portuguese.
You think that you can catch a cold with a draft or by sitting in the spring sun.
Cold drinks are also thought to bring on the dreadful "gripe".
And don't let anyone have a shower after eating as something terrible could happen to them.
You get a letter from your doctor saying you can't work because of an "unspecified, ongoing medical condition" and then go on a two-week holiday.
Your child's teacher misses two weeks (because of a letter from his or her doctor) and you don't complain because you also will use the same doctor when you have to miss two weeks from your work.
If you are from Porto you don't like people from Lisbon and call them Moors.
The reverse is also true but they don't call you a nice word like "Moor".
You think Brazilians speak incorrect Portuguese and will not read a book written in Brazilian Portuguese.
The last major military victory you can remember your country having was the Battle of Aljubarrota in 1385.
You say that the Portuguese, unlike the Spanish, are good at learning foreign languages.
Your parents own like 9 houses in Portugal but complain about the lack of money in the States.
Going to Portugal involves buying gifts for all 500 members of your family
You go crazy for the World Cup
You refer to Portugal as "O Continent"
You've walked in "as paradas" longer than you can remember
You have grape vines in your backyard
You earned over $10,000 for your first communion.
To hell with the Turkey and Roast Beef! X-mas dinner was bacalhau au braz, baby!
A barbeque does not consist of burgers on the grill... Hello! Can you say sardinhas?
You've had your license for a month, but your $20,000 car has been "hooked up" for a year. I'm talking rims, tints, a system...
A wooden spoon equals discipline, or if you ever had to duck so you wouldn't get hit with flying shoes.
Your parents anticipate that you'll marry your first long-term boyfriend/girlfriend.
When you hear the word "Sagres" you think Beer, not historical marine school.
Nothing beats a buttered papo-seco.
Your 15 year old brother is allowed to have two girls sleep over, but your 19 year old sister can't go out past 7pm.
You think that 2am is too early to go to bed and that 11am is to early to get out of bed.
Your grandmother tells you look sick because you are too thin.
Your parents make you eat 3 servings of dinner at each sitting otherwise they think you don't like the cooking.
You're proud to be Portuguese - and you pass these jokes on to all your Portuguese friends!